When you can't have what you want...

...it's time to start wanting what you have.

I've always loved that saying. I've spent these past few weeks in careful thought and reflection. My priorities have been jumbled up for quite some time, and only now have I had the time to really hunker down and decide what takes precedence over what.
I see my friends who are continuing their education; their focus and ambition really astound me sometimes. I wish I was more like that, but I lack the motivation. I've been married three years to a great person, but I'd like to get on with our life, like starting a family. In order to do that, I need to finish up my schooling. So summer school it is and then hopefully I can finish up for good in the fall. I've been going to USU for over 7 years now, but I did take a year and a half break. Still, I need to focus and push myself more. I need to study more, I need to contribute to my classes more, I need to speak up and be heard by my professors and classmates. I've always struggled with that. I need to be more assertive, basically.
And then there is my spiritual conditioning that I've sorely neglected. I get so depressed and I know that a big part of why that is is because I've shut the Lord out of my life. Not completely, but enough that there's a need for reparation somewhere. I used to be focused; I had a set routine that has disappeared somewhere. I used to pray, read my scriptures, and looked forward to going to church. My grandma is always telling me: "It's not that you 'have' to go to church, but that you 'get' to go." Ugh. If only she could see how I've turned out! X)
But really, I've lost the focus somewhere and I'm spending too much time in other venues of my life that really don't need all that attention. Like my cel collecting. Jeff and I are trying to save up money for various house projects, yet I see a cel and I just have to get it. I spend his well-earned money for what??? When was the last time he bought something for himself? Again, priorities not like they should be.
So I'm taking a break for now. From anime, from cel collecting, from grazing through all the cel dealer sites 3-4 times a day. I'm done. And once I can get my head back on straight again, I'll come back.
But I won't be gone for good. Anime-Beta and RS will be constantly visited by me. And all you guys, who have been good to me and supportive. This whole experience has been one of the best I've had in my life.
But before I close up for a while, I am expecting two more cels: One of Vash from Trigun and S.P. Icegal from K.O. Beast. Then no more for a while.

When you feel like you've been spread out a little too thin, it's time to take a smaller bite of life. It's time for me to start appreciating all the things I already have.